So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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