new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
