I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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