i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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