I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize