You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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