that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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