Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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