i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
