He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
