What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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