I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
