After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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