I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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