Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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