Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
