If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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