More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
