Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
