is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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