just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
