OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
