Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
