me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
