I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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