Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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