her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
