I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
