To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
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I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
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They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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