are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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