i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
