we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
