I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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