Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
