my mouth tastes like poor choices
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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