no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
