wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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