Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
