evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
