Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
