I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
