that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
