I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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