the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
