its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
