My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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