dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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