Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
