if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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