My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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