I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
