hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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