he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
