Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
