McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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