i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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