I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
