He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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