I smell stomach acid.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
